Holding Space
What is holding space?
This is a term that I had heard for years before I actually understood what it meant. And I think it's vital to understand in these times of complex communication and rampant trauma.
A story to illustrate how I came to understand it...
A few years ago I was walking with a friend and I had a whole lot to process. I had so much to get off my chest and my friend just walked silently while I spoke and kept on speaking. It all came tumbling out. This allowed me the space and presence to get it all out without interjection or offering thoughts. My friend understood that I needed the space to lay it all out and come to my own understanding in the presence of a compassionate ear. And at the end of laying it all out, I looked over at my silent friend and cried. I felt such a release. I didn't realize all that I had been holding onto and how heavy it had become. Even now I don't recall the topic. Because the act of letting it out removed the poison from me. Being heard allowed it to heal. But I do recall the moment I looked over with tears in my eyes and said, "Thank you for holding this space for me to open up." I finally understood the power of listening.
That is holding space. It is literally creating a container for another person to spill out all that's inside them and let it just be what it is in the presence of another person. Without judgment or fixing or thoughts or insight. There are other times when that's necessary. But sometimes just holding space for a person to be with their experience is all that's required. And it's healing. Opening. Expanding.
Traditionally this has been the role of a therapist or counselor. To hold space and listen. But I now see the role of those who have had the privilege to work towards their own healing and address their own traumas to pay it forward not a hurting world. Not as a replacement for therapy… goodness no! But as a way of extending the healing power of true, deep, listening to fellow humans.
Right now we're all being called to the skill of holding space for the experience of others who need to be heard. This allows them to get in touch with all that they've been carrying, perhaps without even realizing the full weight of it all. And getting it out allows them to set it down even if just for a moment.
Holding space for the fears, frustrations, anger, sadness, confusion, grief... and allowing it all out in a space that can see and hear the reality of this lived experience without judgment, minimizing, explain, justifying or offering advice. Holding space is the time, the space, the presence that to let it all out, to set it all down.
Holding space is a beautiful act of care and kindness.
#listeningandlearning